There’s an Instagram account dedicated to demolishing shared scooters. 

After working out my bis and tris today, I decided to hop on a Bird scooter for my first time and (after downloading the app, scanning in a copy of my license, inputting my credit card info, and agreeing to provide the Bird overlords with my first-born son) began to scoot my way to one of those unnecessarily pretentious coffee shops that dominate the streets of Los Angeles.  I suppose I am now one of those lucky d-bags that could (though why in the hell would I?) claim membership to the BirdGang  *air uzi spray.*

 

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Because I’m a rational human, I was initially terrified of the idea that in car-dominated Los Angeles I was about to hop on a wobbly, cheaply made, battery-powered scooter (that, in all likelihood, was modeled after a Matchbox creation). I was scared because these scooters seemed unsafe. I was scared because they seemed unreliable. But more than that, I was petrified by what would happen should anyone I know see me on this thing. My body could take a good hit. My ego, on the other hand, I’m not too sure about. But after one successful (and cheap) journey, I totally understand why everyone has such a look of glee on their faces as they zip through the streets and weave through L.A.’s infamous gridlock traffic and I too dawn that stupid smile on occasion.

I had seen the tech bro’s and YouTubers that have infiltrated Venice “Silicon” Beach scooting around every time I dared to go west of The 405. That look of joy on their faces as they scooted by me irritated the shit out of me. It was as though they were all in some club that I wasn’t a part of…It didn’t make sense to me…the people on these scooters all had the newest model Tesla charging in the driveway of their beachfront mansions, why would they want to ride a scooter?

I had to make sense of this all.

I’m not sure if most scooter haters feel the same isolation, fear of judgment, or think they’re just too cool to ride a scooter as I did, but for whatever their reasons, I’m regularly overhearing groups of people hating on my flock (get it? Birds).  Sadly, even as I was sitting at one of the few coveted outside seats at Intelligentsia I overheard a group of girls looking at the guys on scooters zipping past with such disdain – and a “that’s so lame” reverberating from their mouths. But all reasons aside, people just really hate these things – and it seems like they really love to hate them – so much so that there are actually Instagram accounts dedicated to their destruction.

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@Birdgraveyard is a feed filled with used and abused scooters that have seen better days – especially those that are set ablaze in the ceremonial scooter bonfire seen below. There are over 75k followers who share the joys of watching these poor scooters get demolished in a myriad of ways.  I admit, it is fun to see some anarchy, but it’s not cool to destroy OPP.

Listen fam, if you’re like me and looking for a fun way to get from point A to Point B without breaking a sweat, give it a try. But choose your gang wisely. People get crazy out here for far less.

For the Record

I haven’t been initiated into any gang and have no loyalty… yet. I could easily be swayed to join the Lime Crew, just not sure if green is really my color. Uber Scooters – forget about it!

Check out some of serious Bird scooter destruction below.

 

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